My dad and I were driving to someplace during my time back in Taiwan. Usually, my dad opens up and wants to talk about stuff when he’s driving (maybe that’s what being in a car has sometimes been unpleasant, since my dad lectures me about my indecencies in such settings, but that’s another story). This is what he said during that car ride.

“Not that I want to discourage you from something, but do you know why I regret doing medicine?”

I hate it when my dad brings up rhetorical sounding questions. Unfortunately that’s what he does often. I answered his question with in a joking way.

“Because… you’d rather deal with machines than people?” I gave a snicker and my dad gave a “no.” Silence.

“It’s because in medicine, there’s always something new, and I’m not a fan of new things. I dislike learning something every progressing year, and medicine is constantly changing. It’s because of this that many of my classmates who used to be behind me are now way ahead of me.” I nodded and gave a vocal gesture to signify that I understood.

“So if you choose to do medicine, be prepared, don’t relax too easily because there will be more information for you to digest in subsequent times.”

Now I’m just wondering, “Do I really want this?”

Haha, if I really want to help people, there needs to be sacrifice, but THIS? After my father described such circumstances, I was not sure that being trained as a physician will be very good for me. Given the intensity of the training, my personality could easily warp and I would turn into this nasty guy that gives people shots for money… gross!

In all honesty… I don’t know what it means when someone says “I want to be a doctor because I want to help people.” I feel like when medical school admission panels read all the personal statements that applicants spit out, all it is is simply a variation of all the little stories and analogies, blood and sweat… to say what? “I think I’m the perfect candidate for your school because I’m exactly what you’re looking for, I want to help people… oh yeah, and I’m smart, and I’m pretty, and I have a ton of volunteer hours to prove it.”

???

I don’t know, at least, when I try to write personal statements for summer internships, the above quotation seems to be the common motif that oozes out of me, even though I try to retain it (knowing that saying stuff like that will NOT help). What do I do? Authenticity and the presence of faith looks so cheesy on a written statement, and no one wants a sob story. And telling about my third culture background just seems like such a boring story.

As I continue to brainstorm for a personal statement, I grow weary. I am reminded of my dad saying “I regret doing medicine sometimes,” and I just think… hmm…

I guess the main goal for me is simply not to lose my vision. And what is my vision? It is a combination of my experience and my passion. There is no doubt that I am here in this world for a reason… if only God could speak to me and sharpen my vision so I may pursue it better. Alas, I know that part of the sharpening involves me sculpting my life and preparing it for the work I am to do.

When I held that child with cerebral palsy, I was moved. When I handed that teary eyed lady in the patient room a Bible, I felt like my life had a purpose… If I am a physician, will I live my passions out the same way?

Good question, Andrew, I should think about that for a bit.

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